Consider the Wildflowers
Consider the Wildflowers
115. 3 Simple Strategies to Strengthen Your Marriage While Growing Your Business (Plus, 15 Fun Ways to Say 'I Love You' on a Budget!)
As an entrepreneur, it’s easy to get swept up in the hustle, the late nights, and the constant pressure. Before you know it, you’re scrolling social media at 8 PM because you and your spouse have seemingly run out of things to say or simply numbing out from the exhaustion of it all. Sound familiar?
The reality is, building a business takes a toll—especially on relationships. I’ve been at this entrepreneur thing for the past 13 years, more than 80% of my married life. Today I’m spilling the tea on what it takes to keep the romance alive amidst busy schedules, gymnastics, burning the midnight oil, budgeting talks, and feeling broke… and trust me, a few date nights a year isn’t going to cut it!
3 Simple Strategies to Strengthen Your Marriage While Growing Your Business — that you can implement TODAY! (Plus, 15 Fun Ways to Say 'I Love You' on a Budget!)
WILDFLOWER SHOWNOTES : CLICK HERE.
📌 RESOURCES MENTIONED:
True South Puzzles (this Dolly Parton one is 😍)
Hey, it's Shanna, and this is consider the wildflowers. The podcast. For the past 15 plus years, I've had the honor to hear 1000s of stories from entrepreneurs around the world. As a former fortune 100 financial advisor turned business consultant, I have a unique opportunity to see the real behind the highlight reel. I'm talking profit and loss statements, unpaid taxes, moments of burnout and those of utter victory, or, as my husband says, the content everyone is wondering, but not many are talking about. And now I'm bringing these private conversations to you hear the untold stories of how industry leaders, founders and up and coming entrepreneurs got their start, the experiences that shaped them, and the journey to building the brands they have today, stories that will inspire and reignite, encourage to redefine success and build a life and business on your own terms. Welcome Wildflower. I'm so glad you're here. You're listening to consider the wildflowers the podcast episode 115 as an entrepreneur, it's easy to get swept up in the hustle the late night, in the constant pressure. Before you know it, your scroll on social media at 8pm because you and your spouse have seemingly run out of things to say, or simply numbing out from the exhaustion of it all. If this sounds familiar, I've been there. The reality is, building a business can take a toll, especially on relationships. I've been at this entrepreneur thing for the past 13 years, more than 80% of my married life. Today, I'm spilling the tea on what it takes to keep the romance alive. Admit busy schedules, running, kiddos to gymnastics, burning the midnight oil, budgeting, talks and feeling broke. Trust me, we've gone through all those things, and a few date nights a year just isn't going to cut it. So today, I wanted to give you three simple strategies to strengthen your marriage while growing your business that you can implement today, yes, like today, plus 15 fun ways to say, I love you on a budget. Let's dive in. It was 2017 and I was speaking at a corporate retreat for a CFO client. As we went around the room, sharing stories about business life and everything in between, I'm struck by the raw vulnerability of one attendee. She opened up to the group and confessed. I recently turned to my husband and asked, so have we really talked about everything there is to talk about three years into marriage, and I'm kind of out of things to say, oof, not exactly the kind of moment anyone wants to face, let alone admit but if we're being honest, it's a scenario many of us can relate to. You know those nights you're sitting on the couch scrolling through social media, just like avoiding the silence or numbing out after a long day. Truth is, building a business is hard, and when I'm tired and stretch them, my overworked Gremlin rears its ugly head, and my family ends up as collateral damage. We walk away from our nine to fives thinking that chasing our passion will make everything better, more freedom, more time, more happiness and yeah. While we're doing something we love, we soon realize we've lost track of one important thing, boundaries. We swapped Pinterest daydreaming for the endless Scroll of Tiktok or Instagram. We've traded that nine to five for the 24/7 hustle. We went from saying, I have to do this to I can't stop. And suddenly work is always on our minds. As one friend shared with me, her husband just flat out told her, I don't want to be married to a CEO. We've all seen the intern. We see you. Anne Hathaway, so how do we keep your marriage feeling more like Lucy and Desi the early years? In this episode, my three tried and true strategies to strengthen your marriage while building a business that you can implement today. Number one, we went to establish what I call a quit time. And yes, this includes social media, turn off the laptops, shut down the phones. Let's have a quit time when you're running your own business, the lines between work and life can start to blur, and that's completely understandable. We're passionate about what we do. It's easy to get caught up in the excitement and hustle of it all. I've been there those nights when the work day feels like it never ends, when you're catching up on emails to APM or scrolling social media to them out after a long day, I get it. But I also realized that without intentional boundaries, all that work we love so much starts to seep into personal space that we really need to protect. And sometimes you look up and you don't even know if you have a hobby anymore. And that's when I came up with this idea of a quit time, which I established my second year in business after kind of going through all of this, the idea isn't just about finishing up tasks for the day. It's actually about like mentally clocking out and shifting gears. It's about drawing a clear line between work mode and home mode, life mode, relationship and so when you're with your loved ones, you can be truly present, like not just physically there, but emotionally, mentally there as well. According to a 2021 Gallup study, entrepreneurs are more likely to experience burnout than salaried employees, mainly because we often have trouble switching off. We're constantly checking emails, responding to messages, or thinking about the next big idea, thinking about that person who's maybe mad at us, thinking about that project we're behind on. So. When we want to be fully engaged with life outside of work. Over time, this all takes a toll, not just on you, but in our relationships as well. Now I have a ton of entrepreneurial friends that talk a lot about integrating life and work, and while I think that's so beautiful that they can like shape shift between mom hat, CEO hat, really seamlessly, I personally realized when I became a mom, it took me a couple years of clunking through this, that I like to have very clear boundaries. I like to have work time, and I like to have lifetime and of course, it doesn't look this way most days. It's integrated, but I really do like having that structure. I really don't like trying to do both, because I feel pulled and I feel stretched and I feel overwhelmed and overstimulated. So before having kids, my quit time looked like an actual quit time, like 6pm laptop, clothes, I'm out for the day. Now, as a mom, I work in pockets, and sometimes those pockets are after kid bedtime, so whatever your work season looks like for you, the important thing here is to create a clear boundary. For me, I know right now, in this season, I clock 20 hours of work time per week. If that's nap time, I get it in during nap time. Sometimes I work what I call the night shift, truly the night shift like I'm doing now, when the kiddos are in bed, it's focused, it's quiet, and I like it. I get more done, and I can be more efficient. So for me right now, it's 20 hours a week when I didn't have kiddos, or maybe in whatever season of life and business you're in, it's an actual quit time, like a time of day if you're working a side hustle. Maybe it's kind of similar to right now for me, like I want to call it 20 hours a week in pockets. So when are you working? When are you not working? And what does it look like for you to thrive and work and at home and also make sure you're maintaining that personal life and hobbies outside of your work? It's very easy and tempting to work on your business whenever you can all the time. You love it, especially in those early years, like, I totally get it, or when you don't have kiddos, or, you know, you kind of have endless amount of time and energy to work on things, but it won't a, always be that way. And B, the habits we're establishing early in our business or right now today, can live with us, whether they're good habits or habits we don't want to keep. So I really believe that setting this quit time helps you achieve more in the long run. Here's how this works. The Quit time is like a daily deadline on your work, and you'll be amazed at how much more productive you'll get when there are time constraints on your work. When you know you have a quit time, you have a hard stop, you will eliminate some of the things in your business or the way you're spending your time. You won't find yourself scrolling as much like you are intentional on that to do list because you have made it so that you have time constraints. Craig Yarrow says, Have you ever noticed how tasks expand to fit their deadline? Whether simple task or complex project, they always seem to finish right before their deadline. Right they take, well, just as about as much time as you give them. So that's the idea of this daily deadline or your quick time. It's actually going to make you really productive and get more done in less time. So I highly recommend step number one, a simple way to love on your relationships, love on yourself. Have a quick time. Let's make it practical. You can create a shut down ritual. I've heard some people call it a wind down routine. I like to call it the profit and pause, she made that up, because why not? Right? This could be as simple as looking at what you've accomplished in the day, jot down a few things you want to do for tomorrow, and physically closing your laptop. It's like putting a bow on the work day and signaling to your brain that it's time to shift gears, that mental reset will do wonders, not just for your relationships or for your mental well being as well, like the ability to actually close out for the day, like power off, right? So how this looks for me? One I start by jotting down all the things I did accomplish that day. Check them off a list. Not only does it feel good to recognize an accomplishment is actually wiring resilience in your brain. And for those of you who write things down just to mark them off, I see you, I am you, then I want to make a list of outstanding tasks, things that didn't get done and move them to another day. Now I do this pen to paper manually, but I also make sure that everything on my paper to do. List gets put into my favorite, favorite, favorite, favorite tool for business, for project management, Asana. I literally use this project management tool for everything, from answering emails to family meal planning for the week, everything goes into Asana. It's easy to assign deadlines. It's easy to assign tasks to team members, and you can prioritize your day and week and rearrange tasks with different deadlines as needed. Also, they have mythical creatures that appear randomly as you accomplish tasks. Thank you, Asana developers. I love it, but what I most, I love most about Asana, is not having that running to do list in my mind. If you're someone who always feels like you're thinking about work, what have you forgot and you're stressing out like this has been a game changer for me. I know that it's in a sauna, like I put everything in there, and that way, I don't have to think about it or remember it. So step number one, establish your daily quit time into something you can do today to boost your productivity and love on your loved ones. Number two, I do not have email on my cell phone. On my personal cell phone. I also don't have any work apps, and I turn all notifications off so I know gas you're shocked. Everyone's like what I do not have email on my phone for work, and of course, this has produced a little extra work for me, right? So if I'm traveling, I have to print off directions, or, you know, I have to print off my schedule for any speaking events, like, I have to do a little extra work up front because I don't have access to my email. But I'm telling you, this has been amazing, amazing, amazing for me. I'm not just like always, five seconds away from logging into work the second you read an email, we all know this, your mind goes right back into work mode, whether you're at dinner with friends, settling up for a movie, just trying to unwind on the couch, that little notification pulls you right back into the whirlwind of your to do list. And worse, if it's a little bit negative, like, you get a an email from a client that maybe they got some something got mixed up, or something was shipped to the wrong place. Like, your whole night is ruined. We've all had this experience, and I don't want that, like, we can deal with that tomorrow, right? So suddenly you're not present with the person sitting right across from you. Instead, you're mentally in a conversation with William tax guy, or Amy your client or Lisa in the new inquiry. Let's be real. No one wants to feel like they're competing with an email inbox for attention, and it's been a total game changer for me when I realized that my phone does not have to double as my office 24/7, like I want mental space, clarity, boundaries that allow me to turn off, and that's why, honestly, my second year in business, I took email off of my phone. I decided to keep work email strictly on my computer. I do have personal email on my phone now, I actually have to physically log into Gmail. I don't have the Gmail app on my phone and that. So if I get notifications from my daughter's school or anything like that, I'm able to get that on the go. So I can, like, log in and see my personal email, but I have to be on my computer to see my word email, nope. Constant pings for newness, messages like, the freedom is priceless. It's kind of like the old school days. I mean, I'm showing my age here, but like, we didn't even have email when I was growing up. We had, like, a landline phone. I think there's something beautiful about not being accessible 24/7 and it's actually not just about reducing stress. It's about reclaiming time and being fully present with the people who matter most. So if you're still tied to your email on your phone like a life raft. Take a second to consider it, the mental toll it's taking. Give yourself permission to disconnect from work when you're at home. You deserve it. Your relationships deserve it. And guess what, your productivity might just go up when you let yourself fully unplug. Now, if you're someone whose type of work so say you're a wedding planner and you're like Shanna, I have to have access to my email all the time. Is there a way you can set some different boundaries in place for you that align with the type of work that you have? And I also want to really challenge you here to challenge that thought. Do you have to have it like really ask yourself, are the ways to get around this in the type of work that I do, let me show you some ways that I have made this practical that have been really helpful. First list your hours in your email signature. This is an easy, kind of no brainer, way to let people know when they can expect a response from you. I think one of the biggest things that's stressful about not replying to emails is we're afraid the person on the other side of that email is like waiting for our response immediately, right? So if we just communicate when they will hear from us, setting realistic expectations, giving yourself permission to relax during off hours, and knowing that you are actually still communicating. Got your email. Here's my email hours that tells them when they can expect to hear from you two, just putting up a simple way message on weekends or during your off times, something as easy as I'm out of the office for the weekend and respond during our next work hours or on Monday, lets everyone know they're not going to hear from you until you're ready, until you are back in the office. Professional is a clear boundary. It's friendly, and that's all the other person wants to know, right? Like, when can I expect to hear from you? The last thing I do is communicate with clients. The best way to communicate like set communication standards up front, whether it's text, email, Slack, setting expectations of how you'll be available is key. If you're not checking emails after hours, let them know when they will get a response from you. Keep that communication open, clear and understood. Communicated up front and in the rare like for real, rare, rare, rare, this hardly ever case of emergency, let them know the exception to the rule, like you can text me if this happens, if, if you need me in this way, I actually have told a lot of people, a lot of students might know this, like, I've had some clients who will text me and actually just email them back, like, and I know that can sound like, oh my gosh, are you serious? But people want to know how to communicate with us. Our clients want to know when they'll hear from us, what is the best way to communicate? And so making that clear for everyone up front is really, really helpful. Another little Shanna hack here, and this season of motherhood, I actually regularly work after the sun goes down. Is how I've chosen to structure my time in this season of life so I can maximize my time with my girls. However, that doesn't mean I want my clients seeing emails from me at 11pm especially my students do, right? I work with all entrepreneurs, and I talk a lot about time management, boundaries, creating a life outside your work. And so a lot of that is like, hey, let's not work at 11pm you know? But that's my season of life, and that's where I am, and that's what I've chosen. So I want my actions to back up the boundaries and communication standards that I've said so I actually regularly Save Draft emails to send the next day or use a tool like boomerang to schedule emails during your communicated work hours. Tip number two, be bold, be crazy, take email off of your personal cell phone and see what happens. Number three, commit to a regular date night, and I said regular. That doesn't have to be weekly. It can be monthly, it can be quarterly, like but just regular, no one is happening. Make it consistent, even during the tough times of our marriage financially, when we were literally living paycheck to paycheck or below, like pinging those pennies could barely afford takeout, let alone gas, I made sure that we actually set aside $10 each week for a date night that was before kiddos, before childcare, and we would figure out how to work within that we have Googled So many times cheap date ideas and made a list of ways to have make fun memories that didn't cost a ton of money, and it's really actually very fun, whether it's sipping a frappuccino while aimlessly wandering through a bookstore, hitting up $2 movie nights, enjoying local festivals, reliving our childhood playing skeeball at the arcade like these moments truly have meant so much in our marriage, and I love it. I would do that now, and I love doing it with our kids. Of course, now that we do have kids and we don't have family members that watch our kids, that live nearby, date nights under $100 are a lot trickier. Babysitters are not cheap. But if you do have family near my don't hesitate to ask for help. I also know families that rotate date night. So like, one family keeps all of the kids one week, and then you send your kids off to your neighbor's house the next week. It's a great way to kind of share that cost and allow each other to go on dates. It's a great way to make it work. Get creative. It's so easy to let the business of life take over, especially when you're an entrepreneur, you get swamped with school pickups. Client calls making the perfect class Valentine that you forget to press pause and be present, especially with our spouses. The truth is, if we don't make an effort to spend time together, it's easy to drift apart. I'm so grateful to call my husband my best friend, but there have been times when I've taken that connection for granted, like any relationship that needs attention, and we've learned to nurture it to nearly 15 years into marriage, we've built something really strong and special, and we truly are still best friends, and I'm so grateful for that. We've learned that it's the little moments making jokes when we feel like we're going crazy and we're so tired that remind us why we started this journey, talking about our businesses, talking about our goals, our dreams, we're just sitting together for a moment of quiet that keep our bond thriving. Don't wait for someday. Make someday today. There's no better time than now to start investing in the health of your relationship, even if, honestly, especially if you feel low on time, low on funds, or low on energy. So let's make it practical. How do we keep regular date nights? One, get those dates on the calendar. They'll just leave it to chance. Plan ahead. Lock in those date nights when you can if you need childcare, go ahead and get that arranged. The earlier that you plan, the easier it will be to commit to it, to add date nights to the budget. Setting aside just $20 a week gives you funds for a babysitter for one night out a month. Like start small and add it to the budget. You will be amazed and again, don't think that date nights have to be elaborate. It's just about time together I'm gonna share before we end. 15 ways that we love to love on each other, even on a budget. So third plan ahead, make a list. So think of it as kind of like your date night bucket list. You can start by making a list of like, fun activities, places you want to visit, events, restaurants you want to try. Get creative. Have fun, whether it's a coffee shop, date checking out local events, a new, dying spot. It's really fun to go ahead and plan these things out. So on your date night, you're like, where you want to go, what do you want to do, and it just ends up being dinner again, although I love a good dinner night out, it gives you a ready to go list to pick from when it's time for your next date. Okay, there you have it. My three simple ways to strengthen your marriage while growing a business that you can implement today and now for what you really came for, I know 15 ways to love on your spouse that don't break the bank or take a ton of time. These are 15 things that Kyle and I have incorporated into our marriage over the past 15 years, and you truly cannot go wrong. I ranked each in order of cost because, Hi, I'm Shanna, and I want you to know that you don't have to spend a fortune to keep the spark alive. So here are seven ideas that you can do for less than $10 number one, we love a good puzzle, perfect for some quiet, shared time. I'm currently adding a beautiful butterfly puzzle on Amazon. I will, for sure, link that in the show notes, and you can never go wrong with a true South puzzle, my favorite number two, a two person game. We currently love monopoly deal. There are some really fun, competitive, great for bonding. Two person games available, Google two person games. It's just really fun. We actually put a game in our stocking for Christmas Eve. We open our stockings every year, and so I always get Kyle a new two person game that we can play in this last year was a monopoly deal number three, XOXO notes. Okay, so I don't know. Years ago, we were wandering around a little shop, and we found these sticky notes, and they say XOXO on them. So we call them XOXO notes, but nothing says love like a little handwritten note left in unexpected places. If you have read Love Languages, words of affirmation is one of them, and gifts is another. I actually think XOXO notes kind of are both of those. Like it a little Hey, I thought of you. And then a word of affirmation, something sweet, something funny. You can leave one on the bathroom mirror like it's so fun. Kyle leaves in the refrigerator for me, like it's just a little pick me up in the middle of the day, and it can just be so so simple. So get you some XOXO notes. Number four are those cute conversation starter cards. I don't know if you've seen those, but it's just a pack of cards that ask questions. Or you can actually try a question jar that you create yourself with random questions, like, what was your most embarrassing moment? Or if you could have dinner with anyone, who would it be? Think of a question put in the question jar. And this is really fun to like, take on a date or do at dinner. It's free, and you might uncover some funny or deep moments, so less than$10 if you buy the starter conversation starter cards, or do it for free and create your own number five, one of Kyle and I's favorite things to do is to stroll our favorite used bookstore with a fancy coffee in hand. So get a fancy coffee under $10 and just go walk around the used bookstore. I love finding interior design books. We love getting kids books for like, five cents. Like, it's just so fun. And it doesn't have to be expensive. You will never know the gyms that you'll find. I found the Dolly Parton book recently. I'm obsessed with, like, it's just so much fun. Number six, a sunset walk anywhere, a community, neighborhood, no pressure, no rush, just some fresh air in each other's company. You can go to a favorite park. You can go to downtown and like, hustle and bustle depends on your route. Like, just take a walk. It's so much fun. Number seven a DIY family night at home, pops and popcorn, light a candle, turn your living room into your own little movie theater. This is actually something we love to do with our oldest daughter, you can even like, pick out a movie, rent a movie on Netflix or prime, wherever you rent movies like under $10 have a movie night at home, and it's so fun, all right, eight through 12, less than $50 number eight is one of our favorites. We call it a day of favorites. So spend the day doing your partners, your your spouse, your kids. December. Of our days favorite things. We love to play around in disc golf. My husband loves this golf, mini golf course. We love to play arcades. We always get like, a sweet treat or coffee like a day of favorite playing, like three or four different adventures. And it can be a full day. The script for birthdays, anniversary, special occasions, like number eight, Day of favorites. Number nine, we have a half priced Happy Hour list. Half priced Happy Hour make a list of restaurants you love and find their half price nights, half price appetizers. I'm thinking about like the 2000 The Applebee's half price app night attack on Tuesday is that your favorite tug of place, half price sushi night, if you like happy hour, like where the best happy hours are? Like, a little planning can actually save you big if you just plan, hey, half price sushi is on Thursday. Let's go get sushi time. Half priced happy hour number 10 a just because gift, pick up something small and thoughtful, just to let them know you're thinking about them. Kyle, my husband regularly brings flowers home to me, and I love it so much. It again could be less than $10 but it's just a little pick me up that lets me know he's thinking of me. I love flowers. I love having fresh flowers in our house, it can be as simple as a favorite snack, a quirky t shirt, flowers, a just because gift number 11. Create a playlist. Curate a mix of songs that are meaningful to your relationship. Press play when you're driving to pick up the kids. Send it to each other when you've had a long day. We love to play this when we're going out on a date night, we have curated a playlist for our kiddos. Like, it's so fun to have this little playlist that's meaningful just to the two of you number 12, attend a local event or festival, so check out a nearby event, like a farmer's market art show, street festival. If you have local blogs, like, we have a mom blog that's local to where we live. That's a ton of great ideas for kids. You can do this, find a blog, look at some things happening in your town. You can even just Google what's happening this weekend in insert your town. Get out of the house. Enjoy something new together. All right, last not least, less than $100 1314, and 15. So 13 is dinner out never a bad idea, because now I'm going to clean up the kitchen. Is always a win. Dinner out is always a fun night. 14, be a tourist in your own town. Make a list of places you wouldn't normally visit, but someone visiting your town would maybe it's somewhat inconvenient, or it's a must see restaurant that you can never get reservations to where it's a touristy place that's normally little too busy for you to do on a regular night, but for a special be a tourist in your own town. Night you would go for the experience and be a tourist in your own town. Last one, at least one of our favorite, favorite favorites, is choose your own adventure date. These are some of my favorite things that Kyle has done for me for birthdays and different date nights. So essentially, it's planning three stages of a date and two different options for each. And so we've done it where, like, I get to choose, so choose your own adventure. We've also done it where, like, whatever you pick, you know, kind of like, pick one, see what comes up. So it's like, here's an example. You plan two options for every turn of the night. Option one might be grab a coffee or a sweet treat. So you grab a coffee or sweet treat you get to choose, or you get which one you get. Option two would then be to, like, next stage of the day, go to a movie or go bowling. You don't know which one you're gonna do. You gotta pick right? And it's so fun. And then the last stage of the date might be, grab a blanket and look at the stars, or sit on the porch and talk about your favorite thing from the day again. It's a really fun choose your own adventure. You don't know how the tonight's going to unfold. It's planned, but not fully planned, and it's really fun. Okay, there you have it 15 of our favorite ways to love on each other that don't break the bank, from date nights to everyday moments of leaving notes for each other, ways to show that you love each other. I hope that you got some ideas from those that listed 15. But before I let you go, I have to bring it back to what I'm known for, right? The money? Well, you've hopefully really enjoyed today's chat, and I'm always down to give you a peek behind the curtain of how me, another small business owner, is juggling life, business relationships and the laundry. You might be wondering, yeah, Shanna, what does any of this have to do with my money? Well, I'm so glad you asked. While this special Valentines episode was all about how we've worked to strengthen our marriage amid the entrepreneurial chaos and journey and fun all the good things and all the hard things, it turns out there is actually a strong correlation between a healthy marriage and income. Research from places like Columbia University, Harvard has shown that strong marriages can lead to better entrepreneurial success. So healthy relationships aren't just good for the heart, they are good for the bottom line too. Want to do something great for your business today. Go love on your loved ones. Happy Valentine's Day. Hey, Wildflower. You just finished another episode of consider the wildflowers the podcast. Head over to consider the wildflowers podcast.com. For show notes and all the resources mentioned in today's episode. One final thought for today, from Audrey Hepburn, the best thing to hold onto in life is each other as always. Thank you for listening. I'll see you next time. Consider the wildflowers. Podcast is produced and edited in partnership with the team at Palm Tree pod co special thanks to our producers, Anthony Palmer, our audio. Toxologist of palm tree, podco and Lauren from Team Skidmore, without whom this podcast would never reach your earbuds each week.
